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You don't get to choose your relatives, but you do get to choose the friends you want to chitty chitty bang bang.

Monday Aug 11, 2008.     By Anna Pulley

Dating Feed

So,

I am interested in having sex with one of my friends. Usually I need some kind of emotional attachment for sex so this works out. The problem is that the attachment between us could be compared to the best attachment on the vacuum cleaner, you know the one that never comes off the hose because you don't need any of the others. I don't want our friendship to be ruined because I value it so much, but I dig it you know? Is it worth it? Is there any amount of open communication that can make it okay?

-Oh Not Sure Why I Too Can't Have 'im?

Dear ON SWITCH,

A wise person once said, "You don't get to choose your relatives but you do get to choose the friends you want to chitty chitty bang bang." At a time when the economy is in the crapper, when gas prices are through the roof and when MTV has renewed "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" for a third season, there's little one can do to console oneself besides cry and engage in casual sex with one's friends.

But on to the nitty gritty of the chitty chitty. Establish a few ground rules. But isn't communication the death knell of hotness, you ask? Yes. But not everyone can mime their way to great sex, like me. You don't need to sign a waiver or anything (except for the snorkeling equipment) but you do need to have an idea of what you both want, to make sure you don't have wildly different ideas of what casual hook-ups can mean. For instance, is this a one-time deal, a semi-regular late-night booty call, or whenever "The Colbert Report" comes on? Despite all the hullabaloo about purity balls and the millions of dollars wasted on federally funded abstinence programs, we as a species are more than capable of engaging in casual, healthy sexual relationships with people we mutually respect, unlike those slutty Bonobo chimps. And what are friends for really if not to tell you when you have spinach in your teeth and to give you a reach around?

Evan Marc Katz, "America's Leading Dating Expert" (ordained by the cult of people who insist on going by three names) thinks, "Women have the added pull of the 'cuddling' hormone oxytocin, which bonds them emotionally to men and makes unattached sex even more difficult." This is silly; everyone knows the cuddle hormone is pancreatic polypetide! Also, men have oxytocin hormones. I read that in Better Homes and Gardens. The moral of this story is, don't let cultural stereotypes stop you from getting your freak on. Friendly sex perks: You know the person already and don't have to go through the ritual small talk of pretending to be interested in his or her college major and Anime collection. Also, since you trust your friend, you're more likely to be able to articulate what you want in bed, thus sidestepping the potentially awkward conversation about your wall of nipple clamps.

Just be honest with yourself. If sex to you means commitment or picking out His & Her tracksuits, you might want to rethink fluid exchange as the next relationship step. If, however, sex to you is just a more pleasant way of getting through the latest Will Ferrell movie, then by all means, have at it. Just be sure to send him a link of the YouTube footage.

Anna Pulley, our Carnal Consultant, has been on more bad dates than J. Lo's been to divorce court. She's been a one-date wonder and Wonder Woman. She's bi, and no she doesn't want to sleep with your boyfriend, thanks. When she's not giving advice, she enjoys theme parties for every and any occasion and working as a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Buy her a drink or ask her a question already.