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Man Being ManipulatedMonday Oct 06, 2008.
By Anna Pulley
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Dear Consultant,
Here's the story, I met this female at a bar because I knew her friend. I got her number, we went to dinner later that weekend. We went back to her place and started furiously making out, during which I was informed that I would not get laid even on the third date unless we were in a relationship. I mentioned something like I might not mind dating her, and she said something like she hoped I'd say something like that. So at some point later I asked her "Are you gonna be my girl?" and she answered with yes.
2nd date, (the following week) I cook her dinner at her place. We end up having the sex. Then she loses her phone for a week but I don't know and she is not returning my calls and I send her some text messages including 'you're done' and then a conciliatory one apologizing. When I found out she had lost her phone I drove to her apartment and met up with her after work to make sure she hadn't found it yet and then told her to ignore some irate text messages. We hung out for a tiny bit and then made plans the next day. Basically I try and get the sex again and am informed that she doesn't normally have sex that soon with somebody she's not in a relationship with and that I got lucky or some shit like that. I'm like whoa so we're not in a relationship? And she is kind of like I don't even really know you (legitimate but hurtful thing to say) bla bla bla she is dating someone else too and well I got up and left her bed and haven't talked to her since. Problem is I like this girl as a person. Wtf should I do now?
~Anonymous
Dear Dawson,
Let me get this straight – you met a girl and on the first date she starts giving you ultimatums (call me Girlfriend or face eternal chastity!), then she "loses" her phone (um, hi, I'm the internet. Have we met?), then she goes back on her admittedly strange sex-agreement and claims you just got lucky, then she claims she's dating someone else and that she doesn't even know you.
Maybe she's suffering from soap-opera amnesia, the kind that usually involves smarmy doctors who accidentally switch twins at birth and give the "good" twin reconstructive facial surgery and a boob job, thus rendering her unrecognizable to her real parents and her true love who is also actually her twin brother AND the son of the evil doctor in question! Or, more likely, this girl is manipulative and you shouldn't waste your time. If she can't bother to send you an email saying she lost her phone, then she's not only manipulative, she's lazy. But Anna, she didn't have my email, you might say. To which I would laugh heartily but not in a way that would belittle you and reply: In this age of constant communication and social networking, I'm sure she could've found you and let you know she lost her phone. Or she could've asked the friend that introduced you. But that's a small offense on her list of many that she's committed in the very short time you've known her.
You like this girl "as a person," as opposed to the fire hydrants and American Apparel posters you're also dating, which I respect. But you deserve to be with someone who doesn't ignore you to the point that you send irate text messages or make you feel this angsty. If you want to give her one more chance to act like an adult, then let her make the first move and apologize. If not, then forget about her and move on. There are much more important things to be worrying about - the failing economy, the thousands of Illinois troops being deployed to Afghanistan and whether Britney Spears' sex tape REALLY exists.
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