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There's a fine line between pleasure and pain when it comes to servicing the cervix.

Monday Oct 13, 2008.     By Anna Pulley

Dating Feed

Yo Anna,

So I've been dating this guy who had a very long penis. And can I say hell yeah, the sex is amazing? Ok, good--because it totally is. So I like it deep, like any fairly cavernous girl would, and I can feel his penis bump my cervix. While at first it kind of hurts, after a minute or so, it's fine.

So my question is, when are you, me and your hot girlfriend going to have a threesome?

J/K, like, for serious (oxymoron?)! No actually, my question is should I be cautious about a penis thrusting repeatedly against my cervix? Cuz as much as I really like it, I wouldn't want to get a dent. I mean, I just spent a fortune on detailing and a new paint job.

~Cervically Curious

Dear Cervically Curious,

While having sex with me and my hot girlfriend is the obvious solution to your problem (how's Thursday?), I'm going to dig a little deeper to help out any other readers who may not have access to our bed.

I was watching "Pet Star" on Animal Planet (which is my main resource for cervix-related conundrums) the other day and I learned that Mario Lopez once played a space captain at Disneyland who informed guests of the adventure to come while they waited in line for Space Mountain. My point is if someone like Mario Lopez can be chosen as People's Hottest Bachelor, then you can accomplish anything, including as much deep-dicking as you like. But! First you must know these things. I've titled them based on Britney Spears songs because I want you to remember them easier and because you are clearly a masochist.

"Gimme More": The average unaroused vaginal canal is about 3 to 4 inches deep, which is not even big enough to accommodate an iPhone, so don't bother.

"(I Got That) Boom Boom": Arousal is key. When one is aroused, the vagina elongates and the cervix lifts up and moves out of the way, making it possible to house most penises, toys and narcotics.

"Hit Me Baby One More Time": While the cervix has no nerve endings, it is sensitive to pressure. The important thing to remember is that good pain (the kind you feel after a workout) is fine and bad pain (walking into a plate-glass window) is not. If the pain you feel during sex is sharp, or if it causes bleeding or tearing, that's bad. Natch.

"Toxic": When servicing the cervix, stay off the sauce; booze and drugs numb your pain receptors, which might make it harder for you to differentiate good pain from bad.

"Oops, I Did It Again!": If your fizucking is causing Vaginitis or UTIs, then you might want to change positions to make penetration shallower, i.e. stop knocking on heaven's door. The vag canal is most sensitive near the opening, so even toll booth-size pussies should still find shallow thrusting pleasurable.

Anna Pulley, our Carnal Consultant, has been on more bad dates than J. Lo's been to divorce court. She's been a one-date wonder and Wonder Woman. She's bi, and no she doesn't want to sleep with your boyfriend, thanks. When she's not giving advice, she enjoys theme parties for every and any occasion and working as a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Buy her a drink or ask her a question already.