Centerstage - Chicago's Original City Guide

Two and a half years ago I met an amazing guy at our staff Christmas party. The chemistry between us was so electric it surprised me. We began to email each other flirtatiously and regularly, but there was a catch: I had a long-term boyfriend whose visa I depended upon. So I avoided every opportunity to take it further, telling myself I was being loyal, but secretly longing to start something with him. I also suffered from an inferiority complex, thinking my new interest would shun me once he got to know me better. In a dramatic turn of events our employer is in liquidation, so it looks as though we may lose touch. We have already lost contact as I ignored his calls for me to break up with the ex, waiting until this year by which time my love interest had settled into a relationship. I want to let him know that if he becomes single, he should call me as I really like him, and regret not seizing the opportunity to be with him. How can I possibly bring this up with him now when he has moved on?

~Worship Him, but Can't Let Him Know

Ah, a regret question! Just in time for Christmas. This is the time of year when we often reflect on our lives and terrible past decisions. "I wish I hadn't drunk 12 hot toddies and sculpted my pubic hair into the Harry Potter lightning bolt!" "Why am I in love with the technician from Tancun?" "Was Stu my true love or was I justified in dumping him for choosing the Celine Dion comeback tour over me?" These are the questions that we can't help but mull over as we drink mulled wine and hope we don't end up kissing our gay best friend again this New Year's Eve. But just because we lament our past mistakes, Worship Him, does not mean we should act to rectify them.

So in a word, don't. He has moved on and so should you. Two and a half years is a long-ass time to be pining over someone you rejected consistently. Sure, the visa situation does complicate things. But, inferiority complex or no, you can't go making bold romantic declarations to people who are happily committed, unless you a.) want to horribly embarrass yourself or b.) are auditioning for the next movie starring Katherine Heigl.

If you can't bear the thought of not making one last attempt at humiliating yourself, then you can find ways to be in his life that are more peripheral. In other words, you may not work together anymore, but you can still comment on his Facebook status. Unless it says, "Joe is wondering why that crazy girl from work keeps telling him she wants a 'beef injection.'" Invite him to a casual lunch, a group get-together that involves co-workers, or send him a humorous holiday e-card that shows you're thinking about him. If he's receptive to these gestures, great. If not, then you did all you could and it's time to Get a Wonderful Life.