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Read our guide to planning dates men might actually enjoy.

Friday Jul 04, 2008.     By Benjamin Andrew Moore

Dating Feed

Since the dawn of time and earlier, millennia before poetry, theater, the pictograph and television, men have been bored on dates.

It's true. Oh, sure, we might say that we're having fun taking part in whatever little ditty our ladies cook up—like square dancing, flower picking or vegan-food eating—but it's all a pack of unadulterated lies. Why do we lie? Well, partly because we care so much about you—or at least enough to not want to cause a scene—and mostly because arguing about how stupid dates are is usually exhausting and unrewarding. Don't believe me? Think your man is an angel? Then next time ask yourself this: Why is he snoring? Why is his chin propped up on the seat of his hand? Why do his bloodshot eyes look empty, as if a piece of his soul is slipping away with every second of the "Vagina Monologues"? He's eyeing the butter knives for a reason, you see.

And that reason, quite frankly, is that most men are selfish babies. But you must be dating Mr. Right for a reason—right? There's got to be something going on inside his head that's worth sticking around for, so why not take him on one of these guy-oriented dates that he might actually enjoy.

Dave & Buster's
The old adage that "guys are like overgrown children but more hairy" is truer than any other adage in the history of adages. Which is why at Dave and Busters—endearingly referred to as Chucky Cheese's for adults—persons of the less fair sex will feel right at home and then some. Besides the much less interesting (but nonetheless extensive) food and drink menus, Dave and Buster's is known for its wide array of games for you to play—without having to push down little kids to get a turn, either. Here's the perfect chance for you to feign amazement at your fella's so-called "incredible, sensational and uncanny" Dance Dance Revolution, Need For Speed and Skeeball skills, amid all the loud, annoying noises and bright, flashing lights. It's like it's your second-grade birthday party all over again. Note: Game prices are not cheap and change from game to game.

Music Box
Guys like movies. But we can go to a "normal" movie at a "normal" movie theater on any "normal" day of the week by ourselves. On this day of the week—with you steadfast at the helm—we want to go to the Music Box Theatre, the self-proclaimed 'Year-Round Chicago Film Festival' and a place that shows old movies like it's going out of style. (Heads up: It's not.) Here, within the confines of this visually retro theater, made of wall-to-wall red curtains and cobwebs, you and your date can catch genre films, like the James Bond series, Rear Window, RoboCop; westerns, like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly and The Road Warrior; golden-oldies, like Casablanca and Modern Times; and sentimental and trashy ‘80s flicks, like Transformers: The Movie and Masters of the Universe. These are the movies that made us the men that we are, and maybe they can again—once more—for old time's sake. General admission costs $9.25, and matinees on Saturday and Sunday run $7.25.

Badlandz Outdoor Paintball Field
Even the most passive, tender and generous gentleman loves guns. No matter how hard he tries not to, he just can't help himself; it's primal, innate and bred into his blood from birth like a cattle brand of biological aggression. Hence the reason paintball became so popular in the late ‘90s (it certainly wasn't because of the female fans, rare that they are). It's the kind of game that takes a man back to the days of playing cowboys and Indians, Nerf guns and squirt guns. Even if he doesn't consider himself a diehard fan of paintball, he's bound to enjoy the thrill of harmless human-hunting in an outdoor, wooded setting (and expect to get major points for your willingness to subject yourself to hundreds of welt-causing paintballs). The only downside is that Badlandz is about an hour south of Chicago in Crete, IL. Walk-On Fee: $25 per player.

Schubas
Music of all sorts is enticing to men—enchanting even, hence the reason why the Sirens in Homer's The Odyssey (even with their human heads atop hideous bird bodies) could lure men to their watery graves. But Schubas isn't just a small and magnetic music venue; it's also a bar and a restaurant, each with its own section (feel free to move between the three at whim). Also: Men are notoriously cheap unless they're extraordinarily rich, so it’s a good thing that Schuba's shows are as cheap as $6 and never more expensive than $20. (It's usually better and cheaper to buy the tickets online, FYI.) So grab a steak gorgonzola sandwich at the restaurant, before you catch any of these shows taking place soon: Alla plays their debut album on Friday, June 13 at 10:30 p.m.; El Ten Eleven plays Sunday, June 15 at 9 p.m.; and Fink plays Monday, June 16 at 9 p.m.; $10 online, $12 at the door.

Guthrie's Tavern
Men love alcohol because it makes them immediately forget about their sad and unfulfilled lives (or at least it numbs the pain enough for them to fall asleep when the time comes). But Guthrie's goes one step further and says, "Hey, here's some beer, some hard alcohol, and some BOARD GAMES, too!" That's right; just when you think the goodness could get no more good at Guthrie's, it does—with the power of Trivial Pursuit, Battleship and Yahtzee! The bar surroundings are fairly typical (read: made of wood) if slightly more colorful (the ceiling is painted vividly with cartoon-like murals), and the atmosphere is a great combination of lively, fun and friendly. Note to ladies: Lose, but do so convincingly. Guys don't like to lose, because then they suspect that maybe they're not actually men. Also, I suggest you visit during the week, when it's not so packed and you can score some drink deals, like Anchor Steam pints for $3.75 on Thursday.

Sluggers
Every young boy dreams of being a professional baseball player. The fame, the accolades, the money, the floozies—there's nothing about it that doesn't scream fantastic to your soul. And since few boys actually become famous baseball players, the next best thing is to take him to a batting cage, where robot pitchers are guaranteed to throw baseballs at the same exact spot, every single time. Sluggers, perhaps the most famous sports bar in the vicinity of Wrigley Field, has its share of followers when it comes to the food and drink, but it's the oft-popular batting cages that make the bar truly unique and truly worthwhile. Don't forget the batting gloves, though; there's nothing worse than a pair of calloused, blistered, oozing hands for the post-date doings.

Neo-Futurarium
Usually men hate the theater, as if the act of enjoying it could poison and eventually kill them. It's not hard to understand why, of course; plays can, on occasion, be more boring than a female-oriented date. The trick is to take them away from shows like Wicked, Shear Madness, Rent, Les Miserables, Cats, Chicago and Mamma Mia (i.e. the hokey mainstream) and inject them into a world that is both attractive and brutally strange. Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton are dead, so enter the Neo-Futurists and its fusion of sport, interactivity, poetry and cheap tickets. Watch, for example, its 20-year-running show "Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind," which attempts rather successfully to perform 30 plays in less than 60 minutes without blowing your head clean off your shoulders. It's so good that even your man will enjoy it insanely. Maybe. Tickets: $8-$13.

Rosebud Steakhouse
What's the best way to cap off your boyfriend's best date ever? With a steaming pile of some of the finest hamburgers Chicago has to offer. We're talking about a 12-ounce pure beef burger ($11.95), dripping with leftover cow-juices so delicious they'd curl the toes off a corpse with rigor mortis. (Watch out for blowback, by the way, because the juice-spray is more intense with every bite.) Then, the cloud-soft pretzel-dough bun wraps around the meat like a grip-tight fist of fury that holds strong until he’s done—with the first one, anyway. Seriously, this Rosebud Steakhouse hamburger tastes incredible, and if your other half doesn't see how incredible you are for bringing him here (and everywhere else, I might add), well, then he doesn't deserve you.